excerpt from Dr Shelley’s “WIN: Coaching Guide For Yourself and Others”
by SHELLEY STOCKWELL-NICHOLAS, PhD
Everything in your life involves the power of the suggestions you give yourself or another. You don’t always get what you deserve – you get what you negotiate or suggest. Think about the last time you negotiated with someone; a friend, a loved one, an employee, a sales person, a customer or a vendor. Hypnosis is the art of persuasion.
ANYTIME YOU EXCHANGE INFORMATION WITH INTENT OF ESTABLISHING A CHANGE YOU PERSUADE, NEGOTIATE and DIRECT THE MIND.
Suggestion is a key that opens the door to a successful in life.
Think about negotiations that you’ve made in the past. How did you get what you wanted as a child? I was stunned one day in the market as my five-year-old negotiated and hypnotized me to buy him a ball. (He had dozens at home).
“If you get me this ball it will make a complete set- one in each color. Won’t they look great in my room? (Selling the benefits). “Mommy doesn’t have the money for that ball.” “Well let’s put some paper towels back and then we’ll have the money.”
What could I do? What negotiation and agreements (both spoken and unspoken) went into your marriage agreement? How did you purchase your last car? What are you like in a flea market? If you are selling yourself or a product what do you say to others? Do you ask for what you want? Learning the ten principles of Persuasive Hypnotherapy allows others to benefit from your product or service. As a counselor or therapist how can you help someone if you don’t persuade him or her to come to see you for a session?
PREPARE TO PERSUADE
Watch what goes on around you. Observe everyday conversations and your conversations of others. Everyone negotiates and persuades all the time! With awareness of how you and others persuade, you develop your ability to be an even better influence. Attend workshops and read books. Persuasion is an art form.
BE A GOOD PLANNER
Decide what you want to convey. What action would you like to evoke from others? Hold the thought of the outcome and then speak. Notice the most appropriate time to bring in your positive suggestions. The best moment to make a “call to action” is when the other can give you a moment of their time and focus. In business you write an agenda. In hypnosis you create a plan or hypnotic formula to be most effective.
- Contract or expectation, “In a moment I will shake your hand and you will enjoy a wonderful deep hypnotic experience.”
- Delivery, “Put your feet together. Look into my eyes (the handshake).” You do what you promised.
- Call to action, “Sleep” or “Sleep, now.” Timing is everything with hypnosis. You seize the perfect moment of receptivity for your induction.
HOLD HIGH EXPECTATIONS
Rarely do people pay you more than you charge. Value your worth and others will too. When negotiating for money open positively: where you start effects where you finish. Be confident – EXPECT TO DO WELL. Studies prove that people who expect more get more. Remember that people value most what they pay a lot for. Think about it, don’t you cherish something you spent a lot for? Isn’t nice to help people get the most out of your work?
BE IN GREAT SHAPE
Good negotiators are in good mental shape and good health. Negotiation uses energy and can sometimes create tension. Gets enough rest, eat well and most importantly, don’t drink, take drugs or load up on sugar or caffeine; these hurt your persuasive power. Be in a good mental place. When you feel good, good comes to you.
If at all possible, dress like the person you want to persuade. Or dress up a little more than they are dressed. That conveys to the subconscious that you are to be respected and that you respected them. After all, you cared enough to look your best for them. Visual impact can make or break a negotiation. Studies show that people make judgments within seconds that can decide the outcome of a negotiation. Be clean and smell clean. Books are truly judged by their cover. To prove this point, when I lecture, I often get three people dressed in exaggerated attire and one dressed in a blue, color coordinated suit to stand in front of my listeners. I then have my listeners answer these questions:
What kind of personality does this person have?
What Kind of family?
How much money do they make a year?
What are their strong and weak points?
How educated are they?
Would you trust them in a business situation?
The well-dressed one is always judged as smarter and a more likely candidate for a successful negotiator.
BE A GOOD LISTENER.
“It is better to keep silent and let people think that you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” –Abraham Lincoln
The one who speaks first sets the tone. Greet the person with a smile and a firm (not killing) handshake. Make eye contact. Smile; a smile diffuses aggression among apes and it works for humans too. Begin by saying something positive to the other person’s attention. Be sincere. No one likes to feel manipulated.
What does your friend, client or prospective client want? Listen to their desires and repeat this back to them so they know that they’ve been heard. You’re there to help you really do want to give them what they need. Active listening establishes rapport. Rapport builds trust. Trust opens us to suggestion.
The person who asks the most questions usually controls the conversation. They receive the most information and information is power. One well placed question shows that you’re listening to their viewpoint and needs.
I once got a job by asking my interviewer: “You have a very interesting job talking to people all day long. How did you get into this?” An hour later, after telling me her life’s story my interviewer said; “You are perfect for this job. You’re such an interesting person.”
If you are asked a question, restate or rephrase the inquiry before answering. This gives you time to think and give an honest and persuasive answer. Don’t make up answers that can be proven as wrong. If you don’t know the answer, say so. Thank the person for raising a good issue. And promise to look into it. To be credible, follow up. If the question is irrelevant gracefully move on to another topic. Remember that the only dumb question is the one not asked.
If you’re greeted with hostility don’t engage in it. Go into neutral or tell a lighthearted story. Or divert their attention to aspects that they already have agreed upon. One of the best low key negotiators I ever saw was my agent at the Frankfurt Book Fair in Germany. A buyer picked up a book and said “Now why would I want such an awful book!” My rights agent smiled, remained neutral and said “Would you like a cup of tea?” As the client continued to thumb the pages of the book, the agent actively listened, nodded and never addressed the barrage of forthcoming criticism. I watched in awe as the buyer talked himself into buying the book!
Don’t quit when rejected. “No” often means, “Give me more information”.
ANALYZE YOUR NEGOTIATIONS
Learn From Them Win/win negotiations are the most successful. Persuade for positive change- Learn well and prosper. If you’ve done a great job both you and your client has gotten more than they bargained for. What a great life when you can made a difference and a living at the same time!